"Hey, where did you get the name for your blog?"

As friends and family find out about my cancer diagnosis, many have said they will include me in their prayers. I smile, and thank them with great sincerity. In my opinion, prayers are the same as good thoughts, and anyone can use those. However, I do not entertain the hope that God may listen to them and miraculously cure my cancer. After all, he has not done so for people much more deserving of his help, and with much lighter requests.

I've always been fascinated by the idea of God and religion. I respect people who choose faith and believe. I sometimes wonder what happens once we die. Is it much like flipping a switch and we're either on or off? Will our souls continue in any way shape or form? I doubt it. Luckily, I am in a win-win position. If I'm right, I won't know the difference to even be disappointed. If there is a God, he'll forgive me for having my doubts, and I'll be in Heaven. He wouldn't send me to hell now, would he? Then again, I would think Heaven would be rather boring, especially for an eternity. I'll take the off switch, thanks.

Eating to Live, Lose and Fight

As part of my screw cancer attitude, I've been making some huge changes to my eating habits. I've always been overweight and sedentary. As an example, I used to read Men's Health magazine while eating chips thinking, "oh yeah, I'll have to try that healthy idea out tomorrow. " Get the idea? A friend of mine, who is also a physician, recommended a book on Foods That Fight Cancer by Richard Béliveau. It explains how cancer forms and how it can be prevented and fought. It describes not only the science of cancer, but that of food. This book is my guide to smart eating. It actually feels empowering to be eating healthier, knowing I am losing weight and helping my immune system fight cancer. Bring on the broccoli. Did I just type that?

My family doctor and I discussed the likely stem cell and chemo treatements and the effect myeloma will have on my bones if or when it develops. I'm too heavy for my frame, and need to lose weight by eating better and exercising - pronto. As my doctor said, "consider yourself in training." Cue the Rocky theme.

A Perfect Metaphor

This video is a perfect metaphor for people facing cancer. You feel screwed, but must remain positive. Enjoy.

Diagnosis... The Best Kind of Bad News

Hi... I'm just some guy with cancer. I was officially diagnosed with stage I multpiple myeloma on April 16th, 2009. Myeloma is cancer of the plasma cells in the bone marrow. They multiply and don't die, crowding out other blood cells. The disease leads to softened bones, bone lesions, kidney problems and increasing risk of infection. Luckily, I do not yet have any bone lesions and my plasma cells are at 15%. My doctor says the myeloma is indolent, or inactive, for the time being at least. I'll need another biopsy in 6 months, and blood test every 2 months. Should levels of beta-2 microglobulin increase, I'll need to start treatment immediately. My doctor hinted it will consist of Vel/dex followed by an autologous stem cell and chemotherapy procedure. Whew. The news was very surreal, and on the drive back from the appointment, I asked my wife to confirm that I truly heard I have cancer. Oh, did I mention there was a build up to that moment?

Blood tests led to concerns which led to more tests, the discovery of monoclonal gammopathy, and a bone marrow biopsy. On March 26th, I had an appointment to learn about the biopsy results. I learned I had smoldering myeloma and had more tests. I was in a fog for days... you name the emotion, and I had it - fear, anger, sadness, frustration. After 3 weeks of waiting, I had my next appointment, and got the rough(er) news. To my surprise, getting the "official" cancer diagnosis was actually calming. I was through feeling panicked and helpless. Cancer was here, so I couldn't worry about getting it anymore. The diagnosis pushed me to a new level of coping, and of making choices. I choose to make the most of the time I have left, to enjoy time with my wife, my family, my friends. To remember that my job is not my life. To take the time to smile, laugh, live, and as a colleague of mine (and cancer survivor) said, "to enjoy every sandwich".

So this news brings me to this blog. I created it to for several reasons. I want to share and document my journey with myeloma as a form of therapy, to help me work out my thoughts about life and this disease, and maybe even to help other people with myeloma. Don't worry, it won't be all cancer talk. You'll see.